So this question comes up more and more these days… whether it´s the constant barrage of Facebook posts about how to maintain a successful relationship, how to keep your partner happy and faithful or how many relationships are falling apart and how easily we give up or sabotage our own happiness…
I know… big questions and well a real life issue for many.
So here are my thoughts…
I for one have certain issue with infidelity, having been cheated on by a partner in the past and knowing family and friends who have been though the same and YES, i know there are circumstances that need to be taken into account, but for anyone that knows me, my stance is strong.
If you cheat you´re out. My tolerance level for ME is such. I cannot and will not devalue myself to accept a partner who cheats on me, and once I find out, then that’s it, done.
I know it’s easier said than done.
So it may come across as rigid or even unwavering, and well I suppose it is. But here’s where I’m coming from… I’ve had a few long term relationships throughout my adult life, where, from the very beginning cards were laid on the table. I never hide this absolute in my belief of fidelity and my belief in honesty. Luckily in all cases bar one, this was met wth agreement and respected for the duration of the relationship.
But these questions comes up often, so what happens if I’m unhappy or my partner is…does this give us a free pass to step out? NO, in my opinion, it does not.
Thankfully in my current relationship of over 8 years this was something that was discussed at the very beginning and we both strongly agreed to zero tolerance on all counts, however small or seemingly insignificant ; infidelity is not negotiable or acceptable.
I am aware that there are relationships that can function as ¨open¨(to what degree of measured success and happiness is debatable) and that people can continue to live together and have long and seemingly healthy relationships where one or both of the partners have other partners from time to time… and hey, each to his own.
However, as hard as I try to keep my mind open on this issue, I just know that this is just not for me. I value ME too much!
And the one time it did happen, I remember the pain it caused, in not knowing how to handle it for a while.. But boy do I feel grateful for that experience, as it taught me about ME and about my worthiness and that yes mistakes can be made but also there is a consequence to every action and we all need to stop and listen and trust ourselves in knowing when enough is enough or we chose to continue to be disrespected or devalued.
In the search for doing what is right for us as individuals, I respect the choices of others, but that does not mean I subscribe to them, understand them or support them.
And hey! That’s okay! We don’t all have to agree! We just have to respect that we have to live our own truth and take responsibility and deal with the consequences of our actions.
What I have learned is that we are a complicated species. Where love is concerned, most of us live our whole lives looking for it and once we’ve found it, holding on to it.
And finding love is indeed a wonderful thing.
But what about one’s own love for oneself ? One’s own fidelity? Where do we stand there? Are we true and honest with ourselves? Are we forgiving? Are we loving unconditionally? When mistakes are made, how do you we learn and move on from these, with love and compassion?
Those questions I have delved into over the years on a personal level, finding solace in the realization that my imperfections made me who I am, that my journey, my doubts, my moments of light and my moments of darkness all played their part. Albeit that I have suffered pain (we all have on some level), I have arrived at a moment where I can raise my head up and look around knowing that everything that is in my present moment has come to me at the right time and space.. and all the good and wonderful that is happening came out of the myriad of other experiences (difficult and growing).. and I feel grateful.
I am grateful for this faith, this loyalty and this fidelity that I have come to adopt as part of my everyday living. I look for it, I think I attract it in many ways through work, personal relationships and friendships..
And I value myself to the point that I won´t accept less, for me.