So being back at home in Ireland right now, I’m always reminded as to how much I love being with my family as well as spending some time (albeit brief) in my native country..
There’s something that can’t be truly expressed with words about this unique sensation of familiarity, comfort and ease.
As far as being back in Ireland….
Well, the second the plane starts to approach Shannon airport I always make a point of staring out of the airplane window so I can see the green fields and hills and of course the Shannon river.. It’s something I’ve done for 20 years or so..
You see, every time I come back, I am coming back with a different perspective and of course having had many different experiences in life.
I’m coming back.
Feeling changed yet again.
And this turn beings with it a staunch reminder of all that has transpired in my life since the last time I saw that vast green landscape and my family. It always seems to be part of a circle, closing or opening inside of me.. The before and after that trip and of course, the thinking of predicting of what lies ahead during my days at “home”.
Because Ireland will ALWAYS be home, no matter how long I live “abroad”. It just is what it is.
(Incidentally, I now call Mexico City home too!)
I’ve mentioned in a previous log that I have lived out of Ireland for so long that I do feel a little disconnected to certain aspects of life here when I return.. But it’s not one of unbearable discomfort. It’s just the reality that I no on get live here on a daily basis and of course life here continues to move forward, develop, inevitably evolve and some other things stay relatively unchanged…
But I have changed.
I’m no longer the naïve 18 year who embarked on a one year long adventure across the US, Canada and Europe all those years ago. What I remember about that moment, is that I was desperate, not to leave Ireland, per say, but to see other places and have new experiences.. I was also intrigued by language, art, music and culture that I felt, even then, that I couldn’t possible begin to find and pursue a career if I didn’t venture outside of my “comfort zone” and get to know how parts of the world worked i.e. how people in other places, lived, worked, communicated, ate etc etc.
I wasn’t even fully sure of what kind of career path I would pursue professionally but the desire was so strong that I took the leap and well, the rest is history.
It’s not always the plan to live ones life on another continent and far away from loved ones and family.. It’s not always the plan to do it a few times and have things not work out and have to start over either.. But things happen and life presents us with this turning points, be them challenges or life lessons.. And we follow along, as I’ve mentioned before, slowly turning the volume up on that intuitive voice inside that guides us towards our truth.
I do feel fortunate that I can look back and I have very few regrets and none of any real consequence..
I don’t necessarily subscribe to fully 100% “things happen for a reason” as I believe that this tag line or phrase has been warped out of context and seems to indulge and justify those who are not proactive in anything to do with their lives, to just settle and concede to ” well, sure, things happen for a reason”.
There are times when those reasons are so bloody unclear. They are frustratingly invisible and yes I can completely look back in retrospect at the life and see that certain choices and moments were pivotal in steering my life in a particular direction and that I was forced into making them and committing to those decisions by the strength of my inner voice and that Louise inside that kept saying, about these decisions, “you’ll never know until you try!”
So I I did, I lived in different countries, I explored tons of different cultures, I speak a few languages, I’ve tried vegetarian dishes across five continents lol!
And is there more? OF COURSE, there will always be more.. To a real level of infinity given our life span on this earth… I will,never speak all the languages of the world (nor do I wish to), I will not set foot in every country, every city, every town that populates out planet, I will never be able to leRn every single song that was ever written etc.
There are lots of “I will nevers” once one ventures out of our native land and our eyes are opened up to, well, figuratively speaking, lots of other worlds!
Having arrived at a place in my life where I know that time is precious when J am back home, I try to enjoy it to the fullest. This does not however means, exhausting myself running all over the place to see people and do things.. My family have become my main priority and continuing to nurture and develop a relationship with my three gorgeous nieces!
Could I see my self moving back on a permanent basis ? Not in the immediate future.. But never say never.
Ireland has changed a lot and continues to change thankfully.
After all : Change is the only constant in life!
And as a dear friend of mine reminds me, there’s an element of holding on, while letting go, once we move out of Ireland and live somewhere else. We will never be natives of our new “home” but the world is getting smaller and thankfully this means that some (not all) of the harsh divisions are fizzling away..
I continue to change, I continue to see my family and my native country change and I am learning to embrace it more and more everyday and appreciate what is important in life and to let go of the things I cannot control..
Well it’s late here in Limerick, so I’m going to sign off and publish this blog entry..